The Simplest Thanksgiving Tradition I’m Going To Pass On To My Children
Thanksgiving in a Complicated World
Turkey dinners, cranberries, candied yams, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie and family dinners.
Family, and those relatives we wish weren’t family, swapping stories, and bonding over football.
Really complicated seating arrangements as we debate which uncle should NOT be sitting next to which cousin.
There are certain traditions we all associate with the All-American day of endless roasts and gelatinous, orange desserts. Just like the many pumpkin pie recipes you’ll find on the internet, Thanksgiving traditions can get complicated when family’s involved.
That’s why my favorite Thanksgiving tradition is a very basic idea: Gratitude.
Gratitude is something we all can relate to. And it’s something we all need more of in our lives.
FINDING GRATITUDE THROUGH TRAGEDY
Fall is the smell of freshly sharpened pencils, mulled cider, and brisk autumn air. It is the season of earthy bark, football season, and the hot touch of toasting pumpkin seeds. It reminds me of childhood, family, holidays and tradition. Most of all, fall reminds me of who I am.
FALL IS THE SEASON OF GRATITUDE AND THANKS
I’ve loved nature since childhood. My nature walks were time to daydream and collect little treasures along the way. I’d often come home with pockets full of acorns, mulch, and flowers I’d picked up.
My fantasies were vivid, and the world felt so alive around me. To me, the trees had faces, the sun had a song and even as a kid, I knew that I was living in a world of miracles.
Nature was how I continually rediscovered myself. Every day, the world felt new. I grew up happy, healthy and confident with who I was.
FINDING GRATITUDE THROUGH TRAGEDY
But my life took an unexpected turn. Two weeks after turning 18, I fell into a coma for months, due to a sudden blood clot. When I awoke, I was told I no longer had a stomach and that I couldn’t eat or drink. It was not known when (or if) I would ever again.
How did gratitude and creativity help me through 28 surgeries and many other “detours?” Here are my four TEDx Talks that can hopefully help us through these uncertain times with the best tool for resiliency I know…
Waking up in that unfamiliar world of the ICU was earth-shattering. I discovered medical appliances connected to my immobile and foreign body. I felt as though I had woken up as someone else.
Not knowing when I would leave this alternate universe was frightening and overwhelming. But what I want to share with you are the blessings that came from starting anew.
As I became more and more alert, I slowly rediscovered the world that I had been away from for so long. Every smell, sight, and interaction felt new.
I noticed things about my family’s demeanor and our dynamics that I had never taken the time to see before. I realized that these quiet, intimate moments can speak volumes.
In a way, being snatched from the hustle and bustle of everyday life provided an opportunity to connect more deeply with my loved ones. We had the precious gift of undistracted quiet time. Things I hadn’t noticed before like my mother’s smile, a friend’s laughter, and the love and support around me, evoked feelings of profound gratitude.
Gratitude is a journey to open your heart…
Traditions Start Simple
My Thanksgiving tradition is lots of cooking… (now that I can finally eat!) and a list.
They say we are what we eat. But really, we are what we think. So along with the pumpkin pie, Thanksgiving is a time to center ourselves in the spirit of gratitude. It’s a time to keep track of what we already have and appreciate that we have it. What better way of keeping track of things than with a list?
Lists can also put us in touch with another important tradition on Thanksgiving: Connection.
I learned this lesson all too well when I was a teenager. When that unexpected blood clot left me unable to eat or drink for six years, I was dependent on intravenous nutrition. Not only did I miss out on six Thanksgivings, I missed out on what food can truly do best: bring us all together.
FINDING GRATITUDE IN THE UNEXPECTED PLACES
Finding gratitude was a way to make “sense” of my story. If I were grateful for things happening, it could fit into my life. I could own what happened to me and make something from it. These gratitude lists were my life story spelled out night after night.
This taught me a valuable lesson: Stories make us stronger. Stories make us think differently. And there is strength in thinking, seeing and doing things differently. By these daily lists, I was able to find 24 powerful reasons why I shouldn’t give up hope. When all else felt lost, I had those 24 bulleted thoughts to hold me through until tomorrow’s list.
By recognizing what you’re grateful for, you start to understand who you are and what you stand for. When I started my list, bit by bit I started to feel myself materialize back into the girl I knew before my coma. This time, however, I was equipped with a deeper wisdom and a vivacious new desire to discover the world.
As my spirits lifted, I healed from the inside out, hungrier than ever to re-experience the world. Eventually, I didn’t need to be plugged into as many machines. My family and I explored the nooks and crannies of my new world. We enjoyed high-speed rides through the hallways in my wheelchair.
Finally, one day, we found a beautiful spot outside, where I got to enjoy my first breath of fresh air in months. I remember seeing the sunset for the first time since the coma, and I felt like a child being born all over again.
Even the mundane things in life became glorious. I loved seeing people eating lunch outside, the roaring of traffic, and birds overhead. The more I saw, the more I wanted to be a part of it.
APPRECIATE EVERY LITTLE THING
Now, here I am, a decade later.
I’m healthy, grateful, and a part of the world again. It’s the wonderful world I knew as a nature-loving, happy-go-lucky teen. Life has an extra little spark behind every sunset, friend, and routine experience.
I admit that I still get caught up in the rush of everyday life. I always try to remember what it felt like to breathe in the sunset in that rusty old wheelchair. When I do, the overwhelming sense of gratitude floods my senses again.
When life is difficult, try to find that one “sunset” to breathe in from that rusty wheelchair. And if you miss it one night, remember the sun will always be up again the next day. For as long as you are living, there will be sunsets and breaths. This fall, try to take in as many as you can.
When you breath in the autumn air, feel that cool crisp breeze rush into your body, think about how that vitality connects you to what and who you love. Think about how many hundreds of alphabets you would need to sum up the glorious gratitude of life. Every day you have the chance to start again.
How can you live your days as if each experience was being felt for the first time?
The beauty of a near-death experience is that you realize the things that matter in life.
But you don’t need to have a life-altering medical situation to realize this! All it takes is the beauty of being surrounded by family, friends, and turkey to remind us that every day is an opportunity to remember the things that make us feel grateful.
When I got out of the hospital months later after my medical crises, every day I made a gratitude list from A to Z. Even on the hardest days, I found that by the time I got to Z there were at least a few things to smile about and be thankful for.
Soon, my alphabetical list turned from “Almost walked. Better heart rate. Coughed less.” to “Awesome walk outside. Best afternoon ever. Cheerful spirits today.” It was amazing to see each day slowly improve and to feel myself gradually claiming ownership of my world again.
Gratitude is finding your story…
Finding Gratitude in Unexpected Places
Finding gratitude was a way to make “sense” of my story. If I were grateful for things happening, it could fit into my life. I could own what happened to me and make something from it. These gratitude lists were my life story spelled out night after night.
This taught me a valuable lesson: Stories make us stronger.
Stories make us think differently. And there is strength in thinking, seeing and doing things differently. By these daily lists, I was able to find 24 powerful reasons why I shouldn’t give up hope. When all else felt lost, I had those 24 bulleted thoughts to hold me through until tomorrow’s list.
Gratitude is getting your head in a different place…
Lists: The Easiest Tradition Around
You don’t need a set of fancy paints to create art, you don’t need a picture-perfect life to find everyday gratitude, and you certainly don’t need a fancy hardcover journal to start a grateful list.
Take a blank page, letter it A to Z from beginning to end, and just start. It doesn’t have to make sense. Some words can be a bit of a stretch. It’s even okay to get away with “x-citement” or “quanberry juice.” The whole purpose of the list is to just get your head in a different place.
And sometimes, when your head’s in a different place…your life will be too.
Gratitude is keeping it simple in a complicated world…
The Only Tradition That Matters
For me, that’s the real meaning behind Thanksgiving – being grateful for the blessings and the curses, for the complicated and the simple, for the family we love, and the family we…just might not know well enough to love yet.
There’s gratitude to be found everywhere, and if there’s one tradition I’m going to pass on to my children, it’s the ritual of counting our blessings around the table, once every year.
And in a complicated world, I keep it simple. I start with a list.
A Gratitude List.
Happy Thanksgiving! What’s going to be on your list this year?
Find out why my memoir, "My Beautiful Detour: An Unthinkable Journey from Gutless to Grateful” is all about gratitude and the beauty of nature, food, and compassion.